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Are your Lack of Boundaries...Binding You?

Let's Talk about Boundaries!

This is a subject that is much needed in my life and the lesson that comes up again and again.

Hi, I'm Angela and I have a problem of becoming what is not me through wanting to be accommodating! I end up being bound by things I put in my life that didn't go along with my Boundaries. (Maybe it's the Midwesterner in me, but it has become an ongoing trend that I am dead set on getting out of!)

It goes like this: If someone asks me to do something for them, most likely I will say yes without thinking twice about whether I can feasibly do it. You want your cat fed, "SURE", you want me to go to the store and pick something up for you, "NO PROBLEM", you want me to jump off a bridge, "Okay, let me just say goodbye to a few people first!"...

...I mean, really?! Why?! 

Do you continuously experience the situation of responding immediately with a "YES", just to one second later have a cringing "What have I done" moment? 

It's a strange complex for me because it can go into believing if I had said no it would be selfish, or I couldn't go back on what I said now because I already said so clearly one way.

But taking yourself out of the picture gets you off of the path of being YOU! 

It has brought me a lot of soul searching recently and here is what I'm finding out.

There's a great deal of self-acceptance and self-love that should be involved here.

The clearer and more honest I am with myself on how much I need for myself, the more I understand what I can give to others. Also when I'm clear, I can accept what in my life is possible and enough right now, and leverage what can come in based on my needs. Exciting!!

The examples I gave above are simplistic ones, but this can happen anywhere from relationships, to work agreements, to the food we eat. When these promises that we can't live up to come in, my main point is made...

Trying to do something we can't promise binds us from being ourselves more than any "boundary" could. 

In the end, doing something we didn't show our boundary on, feels inauthentic because we either can't be there in the way we wish to be or don't wish to be there at all. If we are clear in the beginning, even if the feeling of not being accommodating arises, we will know we're aligned with what we can do and not end up in a predicament with others' expectations. 


So! Next time this happens and you are asked to negotiate a contract, give money to a friend, try all the food someone has made, etc...  Use B.A.N.D.! (because you are ready to Rock!) 

Breathe and get in tune with what you want.
Accept that you have your needs
Notice your first impression of how the proposal makes you feel.
Decide with Clarity of what you know you want. Makes your decisions easy for you and whoever involved to keep up with! (therefore more relaxing and You!)

 


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Monday, November 5, 2018
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Thursday, November 30, 2017
Anonymous
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